Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it's wonderful. But most of the time, life is just okay - not terrible but not great either. We get stuck in this rut of normalcy, like a hamster on a wheel. As much as the word normal conveys being the same and being what our culture considers the norm, normal could not be more different. We consider normal what we go through day-to-day, our jobs, families, friends, health... the list goes on and on. But what we don't realize is what we consider normal is unique to each individual and what we consider normal would seem abnormal to someone else. My normal is being in constant pain, being at home all the time, relying heavily on my family and very frequent hospital appointments. To someone else, this may seem crazy, overwhelming and the furthest thing from normal you can imagine. For someone like Taylor Swift, her normal is being followed by paparazzi, performing in front of millions of people and being recognized everywhere. To me that sounds crazy and the furthest thing from normal; but to her, that is her normal. There are so many different walks and ways of life, so many normals. I don't think anyone would disagree that being diagnosed with cancer and going through all that it entails is a hard time in life and not normal. I agree. At the beginning of that journey, the only life we knew was life before cancer - what we considered normal. I remember saying and I'm sure others have said this too - I just want life to go back to normal. But what we don't understand is that this is our new normal, as my oncologist said "You have gone through a door you can never go back through. This is your new normal.". What a tough thing to hear and even more difficult to comprehend. You don't understand at first, you think that you'll get through the treatment and then life will go back to the way it was before cancer. Even if you have a mild form of cancer that is easily and relatively quickly treated, as much as you try to forget, that cancer's always lurking at the back of your mind and you realize that this is your normal. The door to life before cancer has been bolted and locked, so you move forward realizing that while it will never be the same again, it's going to be okay, because this is now your life and while the cancer is a big dark rain cloud, there are better things ahead and that this new normal might not be as impossible as you first thought. My faith in God is the sunlight that shines through and even at the hardest moments I can still see that glimmer of light in the distance, giving me hope and making my normal - with cancer- not so terrible. I do not know how someone without God in their life can make it in life - no matter what their normal is.
13 years ago on April 12th I found out I had cancer... since then my life has been permanently changed. While the details of my diagnosis are fuzzy at best in my memory, my parents remember each heart-crushing moment. I'm not going to go through the whole rigmarole of that time here, my mom did an exquisite job of detailing it on my CaringBridge: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kaylihostetler . It's been a long ride and I am so thankful for all the people that have been with me through this crazy journey. I would like to thank some of those closest to me who have helped me get to where I am now. First and foremost I would like to thank my Savior, Jesus Christ the Son of God, for all that I am and all He has done in my life. I am nothing without Him. Thank you Jesus for these 21 years of life you have given me. He died for my sins and because of Him I will spend eternity in Heaven. Throughout the last 13 years, there have been a number of times that doctors have said I shouldn't be here right now. I'm still here. Because He's not finished with me yet. This man, my doctor, has played a huge role in my journey thus far. I am so thankful for his tireless, dedication to keeping me on this earth as long as possible. Many doctors would have given up a long time ago, but he has done everything he can to try combat this terrible disease. He promised me a long time ago that He would go to the ends of the earth to find treatment for my cancer and he has. When I was younger, I took out my frustration at the cancer on him. Now, I have nothing but the utmost respect for him and all he has done for me. We've fought, we've cried, we've laughed and together we fight this beast. He gives me the tools to do it, and I supply the determination to make it through these wicked treatments. We truly are a team. The nurses and staff are also a huge part of this journey. The personalized care that I have received is above and beyond what I could hope for. I am so thankful to live in the United States where we have top-notch medical care. I am also thankful for my pastor who has been there for me since day 1 of this journey. His spiritual guidance is so, so vital to my spiritual health. He constantly points me to the cross and makes sure that I am keeping my eyes on God. He fervently prays for me and is always an encouragement to both me and my family. He emails me almost daily with God's word and thoughts on that and pushes me to go deeper in my relationship with Christ. Thank you, Pastor Ike, for all you have done for me and all you continue to do. This precious family has also been a part of my journey since day 1. They have taken care of my brothers for extended periods of time while I have been admitted to the hospital. They all are so near and dear to my heart. They have been a huge part of my support system and they always take time to come see me, they are faithful in their friendship and are truly a part of my family. I am also so thankful for my church family who are always faithful to pray for me. They have helped in so many ways that it would be impossible to list them here. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Baxter - my fur baby- has been such a wonderful companion to me over these past two years. He is always with me, to love on me and to take care of me. His sweet face brings a smile to mine when I am with him. He's my own personal therapy dog. I never understood how therapeutic animals can be until I got Baxter. I wouldn't trade him for the world - he is the most loyal companion and I am so grateful for him. He is the perfect dog for me and he helps to give me a purpose, someone I can take care of and love on. I love my baby Baxter. How could I go on a journey like this without friends? I don't know because I have been blessed with so many friends. My best friend, Jennie (shown above), is so wonderful. She'll come over and lay in bed with me watching a movie, knowing full well that I will fall asleep long before the credits roll. She is willing to just be with me even when I'm sick and really boring. She's willing to dream with me and when our plans get too hard for me to help, she will do it, with a smile on her face, allowing me to feel like I accomplished something even though she did all the work. A friend like her is hard to find and she is my kindred spirit. I am also blessed with many more friends who take time out of their busy schedules to come see me or to text me. They pray for me when I am sick and come visit me in the hospital when I am admitted. I am so thankful to have so many wonderful, beautiful friends that are always there for me. When I relapsed again in 2012, I was in my Sophomore year at Malone University. That year and a half that I attended Malone, were some of the best memories I've had. While the academic portion was incredibly challenging (especially when I was on chemo, radiation and opiates) the community was wonderful. Dr. Goff (shown above), was one of my professors during the time when I relapsed. I probably drove him crazy with all the times I went to his office crying or asking for assistance with my classes, but he was always so calm. He prayed for me and genuinely cared about me as a person and not just another student. He was so willing to help me try to achieve the goals I set for myself academically and was willing to work around my daily radiation and doctors appointments. I am so thankful to have had him as a professor during that hard time in my life. All of my professors at Malone were so understanding and willing to work with me. My time at Malone was such a blessing in my life. Even though I am no longer a student, the faculty still prays for me and keeps up with my health updates. To be blessed with so many Christian professors that continue to pray for me is truly amazing. And lastly, but certainly not least is my family. My family has gone through this tumultuous journey with me, hand in hand. They take care of me and love me more than I could ever hope for or deserve. They have given up many things because of my sickness but they never complain. My family is my anchor. Even when I've been a jerk, they continue to love me. I couldn't fathom going through this journey with anyone else. My dad who works so hard to provide for us and who is always willing to get me whatever I want, he is always there when I need him and he treats me like a princess. My mom, who has also become my best friend cares for me 24/7 and never complains, she does anything and everything I need and I would be lost without her and my dad. My brothers who have had to give up so much because of my cancer, love me and don't resent me. They are always there with a smile or willing to help me with anything. I am so blessed. My grandparents and aunts and uncles and my cousins are always there if I need anything and willing to change plans so I can be a part of them. Their constant encouragement and love is so much more than I could ask for. These last thirteen years have been far from easy, but with all these wonderful people in my life I've made it this far. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. There are so many more people that I would love to thank, so to you all; Thank you and God bless!
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AuthorCancer Fighter. Jesus Lover. Family&Friends. Blessed. Archives
December 2022
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